goodbye

I think I’m going to make a new tumblr.

I’ll follow several of you again, but it is really ridiculous that social interaction with and acceptance from people who don’t even actually care about or know me is silly and it’s not a healthy way of thinking.

Au revoir,

~mooaaar (Allison), signing off.

Honestly,

I don’t know why I am so interested in all of your lives.

I just got done spending an amazing six hours with a bunch of people in my life who truly care about me on a personal level and vice versa, who I LIVE WITH but don’t spend near enough time with because I’m on here too much, where as most of you (with the exception of a small handful of you) have never taken the time to get to know me personally whatsoever, despite my attempts to talk to you about things other than OMGWTFLOLDUDE WAT IS THIS IS THIS REAL LIFE, etc.

Despite the stupid things I post sometimes, I am an intelligent person who has gone through a lot and who has a very strong desire to get to know people personally.

If one of you were to actually talk to me about something you were going through, I would care about what you had to say. I could most likely empathize, because I’ve been through a lot myself, and even if I haven’t gone through it, I have always been able to easily put myself in someone else’s shoes, so to speak.

Like I said, some of you have become actual friends of mine outside of tumblr, though I don’t know any of you in person (obviously other than Andy, Kendall, Seth, Marie, and the people from WV I met when I lived there), but most of you have never seemed to take any interest in me. I don’t post nudes, am not illiterate enough in my posts (I guess) to be tumblr-funny, am not actually “hip,” and have never in my life been considered “popular” or indie enough to be cool. I don’t know what this website’s reasoning is for having such “strong bonds” with certain people while leaving others just outside of the tight-knit circle of closeness, but I am really tired of it.

I hate to say that my social interaction on a single website impacts the way I feel so strongly, because that’s kind of pathetic to think about, but it’s true. All of you somewhat accepting me, but leaving me out at the same time is really crap. I thought it was so cool when I first discovered a bunch of who are now my favorite tumblr personalities. I have idolized several of you for so long, but for no reason. Yes, those of you that I think are the epitome of cool on here do follow me back, which I at first thought was awesome, and sometimes we have reblog or occasional AIM conversations, but those die away quickly and are never over anything of any significance.

I’m just really tired of this feeling that I have to prove myself to you people in order to get any sort of validation. I don’t need to think certain things or type a certain way or post a certain kind of stupidly funny picture or vice versa to form friendships in person, so I don’t see why I feel like I have to in order to attract any of you as friends.

I guess the point of all of this is just me getting it all out of my head and into print. Whether any of you will actually read this, I don’t know. It wouldn’t really surprise me if you didn’t, or if you think I’m being a whiny emo kid. None of you know me in real life, you don’t know my experiences, you don’t know how I act when I’m not sitting at a computer, and most of you probably don’t even care.

I highly doubt I’ll be able to quit tumblr any time soon, simply because I do have a lot of free time and really do enjoy blogging for the most part. I’m not saying I’m going to quit talking to any of you or that I think you’re bad people. I just need to reevaluate what is really important to me. Again. …I’m pretty sure this is a constant life process.

In closing, just know that how you do—or do not, in this case—interact with people, even online, is important, and it says something about who you are as a person. Love is the most important thing to me, and I hope that in between all the stupid posts, that has come across in the things I say. I still love all of you as much as you can love someone you hardly know and only follow on tumblr, aaand that’s all.

The end. Go home now.

Goodnight.

<3

thank you guys so much for the likes and compliments on my recordings

you are all amazing <3

i have a *tiny* favor to ask though..if you honestly like it, please reblog it. i’ve always wanted to get my music out there, and this is the best way available to me right now.

again, i appreciate all of you so much, even if you don’t reblog. just a suggestion. (:

I am on a freaking roll today.

I’m about to record my 4th song.

Damn you, tumblr, for only allowing one audio upload per day. |:<

I just recorded The Fiction We Live by From Autumn To Ashes.

NGL, I’m very proud.

:D

I’m really considering a graphic design major.

The more I think about it, the more I’m leaning toward it.

I’m really good at English (I’m an English/writing tutor, after all. haha), but I realllly don’t want to teach it or be a writer/journalist.

I’m really good at singing, but singing classically is neither my forte or favorite thing to do, so…no degree being pursued there. (I actually started off as a vocal music performance major and about halfway through the first semester, changed it to undecided, which is where I am now. /: )

I’m really good at acting, but a theatre major sounds about as appealing to me as eggnog in the dead heat of summer. I love it on occasion, but it isn’t something I want to do constantly.

However, I used to draw even more than I sing now. I did until I took an art class in 8th grade with a very creatively stifling teacher. After that, I just sort of stopped drawing altogether for a long time, and after a couple of years had passed, only on occasion. Lately though, I’ve been busting out the sketchpad or scratch paper more often and really drawing again, really working on bringing my skills up to where I want them to be, and I’m actually making it happen. I’ve always loved design—looking at it and creating it. I just never really considered it as a possible degree or career path..until now.

I’m so excited

I’m about to go on a friend date (haha not really, but kind of, Idk what you’d call it) with a girl on my floor who I’m already kind of friends with to watch (500) Days of Summer, which I just bought. :D

Read this post I wrote yesterday, and you’ll understand why I’m so happy.

I really hope I can start to make better girl friends soon.

I feel like Paul Rudd in I Love You, Man. ON THE HUNT FOR FRIENDS. lol

Okay, goodbye for a while, internet!

I only have two girl friends.

kind of three.

One I hardly ever see, one I live with, and one I see even less even though she lives closer.

I know I’m weird, have kind of a vulgar/raunchy sense of humor, am a complete badass (okjkkindofhehe), and listen to “scary” music sometimes, but I don’t think that makes me unlikable as a friend. or it shouldn’t.

I just don’t know why I make friends with guys so much easier than with girls. I wish it were the other way around.

I want a group of “the girls” to hang out with, be able to talk to as a shoulder to cry on, joke around with, go to lunch/dinner with, etc.

It makes me feel so bad since I’m in a relationship (holla, I love you Andy) and don’t want him to think I’m being unfaithful or flirting with other guys, but if I don’t hang out with guys most of the time (other than Marie/roommate/the only girl I do hang out with regularly), I am just by myself all the time, which is half of the reason I spend most of my time online.

I’m so freaking lonely.

/depressing whiney wishing I had friends that were girls blog